wonder

For weeks Kate and Will have been the talk of the town.  I asked both my elderly patients and the young nurses I work with, and sat back to enjoy the opinions and perspectives.  I reminisced with my cousin about being young girls who got up in the middle of the night to watch Lady Diana get married.  I enviously heard about my mother and sister-in-law's "royal brunch" as they watched the entire wedding.  (oh yes, tiara's and scones.) 


This morning, in mid wedding, our group met for it's weekly team meeting.  Of course we talked about the wedding - The Dress, The Kiss, the hats.....


And then we talked about why a wedding halfway around the world could grab so much of our attention.  Is it because, after weeks of war, earthquakes, tornados and fires we are desperate for something happy?  Is it because, in the midst of school lunches, gas prices, and mortgage payments we are hungry for a little romance?  Do we all wish that the prince would see our potential and make us royalty?  Or is it that hospice weary workers long to see things full of hope and beginning?  Maybe it is all of the above....


When I read this passage from Blue Like Jazz, it resonated with me.  Reminded me of what I am really looking for. 


I want to tell you something about me that you may see as weakness.  I need wonder.  I know that death is coming.  I smell it in the wind, read it in the paper, watch it on television, and see on the faces of the old.  I need wonder to explain what is going to happen to me, what is going to happen to us when this thing is done, when our shift is over and our kids kids are still on the earth listening to their crazy rap music.  I need something mysterious to happen after I die.  I need to be somewhere else after I die, somewhere with God, somewhere that wouldn't make any sense if it were explained to me right now.
     At the end of the day, when I am lying in bed and I know that chances of any of our theology being exactly right are a million to one, I need to know that God has things figured out, that if my math is wrong we are still going to be okay.  And wonder is that feeling we get when we let go of our silly answers, our mapped out rules that we want God to follow.  I don't think there is any better worship than wonder.   Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz.