Sunday, August 25, 2013

lunch

I'm making sandwiches again.  With two hungry boys in the house it never ends.  At least four times a day I am trying to come up with something fast, easy and basic to meet their preferences, moods and hunger levels.  Or directing them to help themselves to cereal or left overs.  Or revising my shopping list. And I'm often frazzled by it.  Frustrated.  Then I heard this story....

Pete was a teenager in Asheville in the 1940's.  His dad worked long hours on the railroad.  His mother worked long hours washing clothes for her eight children and keeping them from starvation.  They lived a basic, pleasant, solid life with no frills.

The best way Pete could help was to get a job.  He only had to put out the word that he was available, and a couple days later a young man stopped by the house to speak to him.  Mr. Swain ran his family's farm four miles away and was struggling to keep up with the work now that his brother had left home.  He had two uncles that helped, but he needed a strong, young worker.  Pete was hired.

Pete would leave home early in the morning.  His mom would hand him a biscuit filled with a slice of meat to eat on his four mile walk to work.  Pete arrived at the Swain farm ready to work hard. He would do some basic chores and then hitch up the horses and start ploughing the surrounding fields. For the next five hours, Pete followed the team of horses readying the fields.  The sun beat down.  The ground was tough.  By lunch time Pete was sweaty and worn out.  And then the dinner bell would ring.  It became Pete's favorite sound in the world.

Mrs. Swain was a young farm wife.  She was a hard worker, and an enthusiastic cook.   She took the responsibility of feeding all the farm hands lunch and responded with passion and skill.  Her large, sturdy dining table comfortably sat six - She and Mr. Swain, the two uncles, a hired neighbor and Pete.  There was usually a vase of flowers on the table, pitchers of cool water and milk.  And platters of food.  Every day so much delicious food.  A couple of vegetables, fresh from the garden or canned, seasoned perfectly.  Potatoes in many different forms.  A crock of flavorful beans.  There was always a main dish of meat, warm and hearty.  There was a bread dish covered with a cloth that held homemade bread, or cornbread, or biscuits or rolls.  There was freshly churned butter.    And dessert.  Always a dessert.  Cookies maybe.  Or apple pie.  Or berry cobbler.  Or chocolate cake.  Pete spent the mornings behind the horses wondering what might be on that lunch table that day when he pulled his chair up.

There was always plenty of food.  Seconds.  Thirds even.  Always good conversation in that sunny, cheerful kitchen.  Plus a few minutes to rest before the men headed back out to the fields for the afternoon.  And then Pete would walk the four miles home.

Seventy years later, Pete's farm lunch memories still bring a smile to his face.  They make me want to plan better and try harder to give my little farm hands more happy times around a nurturing, creative table.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

first impressions

"You never get a second chance to make a good first impression."  - Will Rogers


I've been thinking about first impressions lately.  Mostly because I don't always trust mine.  When Kelly Ripa announced that Michael Strahan was her new cohost I was so disappointed.  My first impression was that he was goofy, lite and so unRegisy.  A few months later, after seeing numerous snippets of the show while charting or in patient's rooms, my feelings have totally changed.  Michael is funny and warm and solid.  A great partner for Kelly, and I love to watch them together.  I had the same change of heart with Willie Giest on the Today Show, and Kerry Washington from Scandal.  From skeptical to a raving fan.  So I wonder about first impressions.

I also think about first impressions because it is regularly my job to make good ones.  At work I've got a phone call and a visit to convince a family that they would benefit having a chaplain.  Even if they already have an involved pastor or the only religious people they know scream about hell and want their money.  Just a few minutes of impression time to low key/big sell my way into the end of their lives.

I do it with my hobby career too.  A local wedding venue gives my name to couples getting married who don't have an officiant to do the wedding.  We "blind date" meet at a local coffee shop and I have just a few minutes to make them comfortable while convincing them that I know more about making their wedding fantastic than anyone else they could find.  I only have one shot to make a favorable impression.

And then there is this little brown puppy - 

Last October we were still grieving over the loss of our 9 year old white french bull dog.  I was in no hurry to replace her, when my mother-in-law Sandy called about a great deal on bull dog puppies in her area.  This was too good a deal to pass up.  I made a phone call and learned there was one girl puppy left, a brown one.  And she could go any minute.  Steve was out of town, so I just had to go for it.  It was too soon.  She wasn't the color I wanted.  But she was available and affordable.   I sent a down payment and made plans to drive the 2 hours to check her out that weekend.

I made the trip with Sandy and my son Josh.  The whole trip was full of speeches from me.  We weren't going to rush into this.  We were going to spend some time with this puppy and see if she was a fit for our family.  This was going to be Dad's dog and we didn't even have to get her today.  If we had any questions we would get part of our deposit back and wait for the right dog.  I needed both of them to be very critical and observant and to give me their honest feedback.  We needed to remember that all puppies are cute and not to be swayed by that.  We were probably not going to even get her today....

Finally we arrived at the kennel.  Somehow I was a few steps ahead of Sandy and Josh as we reached the front door.  The woman I had talked to opened the door.  As I was stepping in, a tiny ball of brown french bulldog tore across the room and jumped paws first up on my leg.  I looked down into her big brown eyes.

And that was it for me.  I turned around to Sandy and Josh, still walking up the path.  "We are taking her." I called.  "She is perfect."  (Sandy is still laughing at me about this.)

Aggie just turned one.   We haven't regretted our choice for a second.  She is the sweetest, most cuddly and precious dog imaginable.   She'd have to be to so throughly win over my non-animal loving heart. 

Talk about a great first impression!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

twenty

As our twentieth wedding anniversary approached, I dug into storage to get a few pictures for Facebook.  That was the plan anyway.  Steve found me on the floor in the guest room an hour later, surrounded by old photo albums and a box of wedding remains, in full reminiscing mode.  As I looked at bridal shower pictures and thank you note lists, I was amazed at the unpracticality that I saw -
Lacy camisoles, a silver wine bucket and flower vases, battenburg aprons, floral cloth napkins.  I obviously watched too much I Love Lucy and Lady Diana coverage in my early twenties.

Twenty years of marriage and two sons later find me much more practical than fanciful.  I don't have time to polish silver when my teenage boys want six meals a day.  Rolls of paper towels often take the place of both cloth napkins and lace aprons.  And though that big, beautiful white gown was my total dream dress, if I got married again today, I'd be barefoot on a beach.

These days romance is more about having the dishwasher loaded by my sweet husband or getting the bathroom to myself.  Beyond Victoria Secret or a bouquets of red roses, twenty years of marriage is about compromise, division of chores and repeat conversations.  It's about learning to be less selfish and more thoughtful.  It's about getting better at asking for what I need.  Nicely.  It's about two opposites finding a middle rhythm.  And it's about being humbly grateful to have made it to twenty.

We've had a special celebration every 5th year. A prebaby trip to a B&B in Highlands for 5.  Two nights in Charleston's Two Meeting Street Inn for 10.  And a weekend in New Bern for 15.  The plan for 20 was Ireland.  Years ago we were sure that by our mid 40's we'd be financially set and ready for a week overseas.  Well ready or not, this year was not a financial highlight.  We still aren't rich. On top of near poverty, we got hit with a tax bill and an MRI bill.  Our old car died twice, but that was nothing compared to putting in a brand new air condition unit in our house.  Ireland went from not practical to not possible pretty quickly.

But we made it to twenty years on August 1, 2013.  And to celebrate that monumental feat we went for something just a little unpractical.  We booked a room in Biltmore Park, our favorite date night location seven miles from our house.  A hotel that we have looked up at so many times over the years and said "wouldn't it be fun to stay there?"  We met there on a Wednesday afternoon after work.  From our balcony we could see our restaurants, our movie theatre, and our mountains.  We ate at a new place.  We walked around the town, soaking up the summer evening.  We called our boys, laughing at how much we missed them.  And we again remembered how important it is for the two of us to have moments of fun impracticality in the midst of bills and schedules and survival.  I may even dig out those bejeweled napkin rings...

...or some poetry.  I love this Shakespeare sonnet.  From our twenty year mark it sure rings true.


“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

(Sonnet 116)”  William Shakespeare, 
Shakespeare's Sonnets