wanderings

It had already been a busy evening on call.  Around 9:00pm I got a page asking me to meet Doctor X in the O.R.  That was it.  No heads up or explaination.  I headed quickly out of the on call room toward the elevator when I realized that I had never been to O. R.  "Oh well, I've got the basic idea where it was."

Basic idea was not good enough.  I wandered around the second floor for 5 minutes looking for a sign for  the Operating Room.  Or a door.  Or a doctor waiting for me.  Nothing.  Finally I walked into a room marked Tranfusions (terrifying) and asked them.  A nurse walked me down the hall and keyed in a code to get into an unmarked door.  Ah Ha. The mysterious O. R.


But no Doctor X.  Apparently he was too speedy for me.  I wandered around some more hunting him. A new page informed me that I was now to go to surgery waiting.  This was like a bad scavenger hunt.  I still didn't know what was going on, but I had a sinking feeling.


I walked into surgery waiting moments after Doctor X had left.  There were more than twenty people lining the walls of the big waiting room, all sobbing, weeping, crying, and hugging uncontrollably.  I guessed that someone they loved had just died unexpectantly in surgery I had no idea who.  I began to move around the family, patting backs, saying I'm sorry.  Fourth person in was a relative who was able to talk.  She explained that Mr. B's heart had stopped during surgery.  He couldn't be revived.  She pointed out his wife, his kids, his sisters, his grandchildren, his friends.  And again I wandered.  This time from person to person.


Forty minutes later, a call came from O.R.  Mr. B had been taken to the morgue.  I called O.R. back.  "The family wants to see him.  Bring him back.  We need a respectful place to say goodbye."  But they were facing the next surgery, and he was gone.


So I wandered again.  This time with twenty-five family members following me.  Over to the heart center, past MICU, meandering toward EC, jamming into the elevator and down to the basement.  I felt like Moses in the Red Sea.  We overflowed the morgue, and paid our respects.  I got my first glimpse of Mr. B.  as they took their last.  But by now I was one of them.  Part of their journey and grief.  


We all piled into the elevator again.  Then more hugs and more goodbyes.  They scattered to the parking lot and I headed back to the on call room.  Finally I knew exactly where I was headed.


Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.   Psalm 143:10 (NIV)