morning

I so lucked out with a decent on call night of sleep!  11:30 pm was the last time the pager went off.  I slept deeply and woke up with little rays of light peeking through the 4th floor window.  I took a hot shower, enjoying the baptism into the day.  I ate Total cereal and a hard boiled egg.  Matt and Meredith bantered the important news while I got dressed.  Soon I was organized and ready for the day.  

I'm so much more hopeful in the morning!!

And then at 7:30 am the pager vibrated off the bedside table.  With a quick phone call I was headed to oncology.  During the night a father had suddenly worsened.  He was unresponsive and struggling for each breath. His daughter and son had arrived first.  They were stunned and devastated.  They would summon strength to lean in close, hold his hand and face, tell him how loved he was.  Then they would step back from the bed and collapse in grief and fear.  I put his bed rails down so they could get closer.  I scooted up chairs to protect their knees from the floor.  I restocked the kleenex supply. 

 But I could do nothing for their pain.

It got worse when Mom arrived.  Grief anew for her shock, and her pain.  And the loss she was facing.  As they wept together I found myself in the door frame silently witnessing and crying.  

I thought "what kind of world is it, with this much sadness before 8:00 am?"

And then all I could think about were the words of my mom's favorite song, hanging over her desk.

One of these mornings, bright and fair

Gonna wake up to the music of Jesus.

Gonna drop my sorrows and despair

Gonna join the singing in the air.

Singing Hallelujah everybody,

going to meet my sweet Jesus

when I hear the trumpet sound.