fishing

It is such a treat to walk into someone's home, to ask them a few questions, and to hear fascinating stories of war and work, romance and creative living through tough times.  Almost all of my patients are from the Silent Generation - hardworking, traditional, patriotic people, with wonderful tales just waiting to be told.  Most are not silent at all.  I throw out a good question and sit back and enjoy the tales.


And then there are the few for whom the term "like pulling teeth" was invented.
"Have you lived in this area all your life?"
"yep."
"I bet you have seen some big changes around here."
"yep."
"Do your three children live near by?"
"yep."
"What do you do when you all get together?"
"talk."


Help!!!  In these houses I find myself fishing for any topic that will catch their interest and help them open up.  Sometimes it is favorite foods.  Sometimes it is a show they like to watch on TV or local history.  I cast the bait out over and over and hope something will bite.


I was in such a house last week.  I was trying everything and coming up empty.  The patient, her husband and her niece, Jane were crowded together on the couch, mute, uncomfortable and watching me.  I had been there ten minutes.  It felt like ten hours.  I was feeling the urge to bolt.


I turned to Jane and asked "So where exactly do you live?"
"Murphy."
"That's a couple hours away, isn't it?"
"yep."
I began to rack my brain for Murphy trivia.  I could only remember one thing.  And vaguely.  Sheepishly, I cast again.  "Isn't Murphy where that bomber guy hid for awhile?"


Hooked! My three mutes jumped to life.  Talking over each other, they began to share their Eric Rudolph tales.  Egged on by my interest and exclamations they regaled me.  How three times they had passed him hitchhiking on the road to Jane's house.  Of course they didn't know it was him until after the arrest had hit the news.  Then they realized he had been living within a mile of Jane's house.  She was working at the hospital one day when her husband called.  "Honey, the FBI is at our house and want to talk to you."  Knowing her husband to be quite the joker, Jane replied "I'm at work.  If the FBI want to talk, send them here."  15 minutes later a team of FBI agents found Jane at the hospital.  They informed the beyond-shocked Jane that two empty pill bottles with her name and prescription number were found among Rudolph's things at his campsite.  "Had she been supplying him?"  It didn't take long to discover that Rudolph had frequented local dumpsters and gone through the trash.  Jane was free and clear.


Thirty minutes had breezed by when the stories wound down.  I could tell you that they begged me to stay and that we spent the afternoon eating, laughing and praying together.  But that would be a big fish tale.  They did ask me to come back soon.  And I did leave with a happy smile on my face.


Maya Angelou wrote “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I believe it.  And it makes all the fishing for common ground and connection worth it.