femininity

I wish you could see my house right now.  No, actually I'm glad you can't.  My couches have been moved back against the walls to make room for makeshift soccer goals.  There is a ping pong net stretched across my dining room.  A frisbee golf stand is on the stairs.  There is a basketball hoop in my shower and a football peeking from under my bed.  Oh, and I just saw a kayak paddle propped up against the closet door.  This is my life with three men.  This is why I sometimes tell Steve "I want my own house!"

I tend to think of femininity in terms of my house.  I'd like more white, less scuffs and stains.  I like more flowers, less sports equipment.  More Barefoot Contessa, less The Fishing Channel.  More feng shui, less dirty laundry.  When I score it that way, I'm losing big time.

In this male dominated house I do have one ultimate feminine hideout -The Bathtub.  This is my little cocoon of candlelight, warm vanilla sugar bubble bath, and a basket of magazines.  One night this winter, I crawled out of my bath time, and headed back into the testosterone zone.   My three men were wrestling on our bed.  But my youngest paused to come hug me and said "I love the way you smell when you get out of the bath."  To my surprise, my other son and husband agreed and talked about the peaceful candlelight and scented warm air that follows me out of my hiding place.

Since that night I've been thinking about femininity differently.  Not so much about my invaded house, but about behavioral traits generally considered feminine like gentleness, empathy, sensitivity, creativity, nurture, love of beauty and joy.   Instead of bemoaning my uphill battle, I'm embracing the high calling of infusing my boys lives with as many feminine graces as I can. 

Tucking them into a freshly made bed.
Surprising them with fun treats in their lunches.
Helping them be gentlemen and appreciating their efforts.
Pausing to savor wild daffodils on a hike.
Curling up to talk with mugs of hot chocolate.
Caressing their hair when they are tired.
Lauding trimmed fingernails, thoughtful thank you notes and tidied rooms.
Insisting on occasional meals that include a table cloth and multiple silverware.
Reminding each other of all the blessings we have to be grateful for.

I love being a girl.  I love being a wife and a mother.  My boys may never totally understand the pleasure I get from wrapping up in my soft pink blanket for an evening of Downton Abbey.  Viva la difference!  I'm honored to be the feminine force (for now) in their lives and to help them grow up to be well-rounded men.


Speaking of well rounded... I love this reminder from Richard Rohr that God is both male and female.

For much of the human race, the mother is the one who parts the veil for us. She gives us that experience of grounding, of intimacy, of tenderness, of safety that most of us hope for from God. However, many people also operate from a toxic and negative image of God. For those people, little that is wonderful is going to happen as long as that is true. Early growth in spirituality is often about healing that inner image, whether male-based or female-based.  It was only when I began to see the image of God as a compassionate mother that I have been able to change what I believe God truly is, Love.  

Adapted from The Maternal Face of God by Richard Rohr.