beyond mad men

After 18 months of anticipation, the 5th season of Mad Men finally premiered.  My friend Barb and I celebrated in her grandmother's vintage jewelry, with mini jello molds, deviled eggs and rice pudding.  We welcomed back Don Draper and his new bride Megan,  Peggy Olson bringing in a big account, and Joan's new baby.

The next morning I visited Ed and June, a couple who were my age in the real Mad Men era.  I sat at their breakfast table with them, listening to their stories and banter.  I was only a little disappointed to see no evidence of full skirts, thin ties, cigarettes or mid-morning liquor.

When I learned that they had been married for 65 years I was curious.  How did they evolve together  from a patriarchal society, through the feminist movement to a place of interdependence and equality?  In a world where some marriages are measured in days, how did they reach a milestone like 65 years?  And get there with such easy camaraderie?  Do any of the elements that made a 1940's, 50's and 60's marriage work, apply today?

Here's what they said.
"Well, I guess we learned to appreciate each other's differences."

June grew up in Canada.  She loved and revered the royal family. Ed grew up in Conneticut.  Every day is 4th of July for him.  She bought magazines featuring the royals.  He mocked the pomp and circumstance. One day he was making a snide remark and she said "Look.  You are never going to love them.  For me, they are in my heart.  Let it go."  He got the message. This began a practice of honoring each other's differences.  They applied it to his love of sports and her disinterest.  To her morning personality and his night owl habits.  They became intentional about appreciating each other's view points.
 
June was telling me this.  At one point Ed said to her "Speak louder will you?  I might learn something about our marriage." She just looked at me and shook her head.

"And we took the time to appreciate each other's work."

June grew up with a father who was a teacher.  She watched the work he put into crafting a lecture.  When she married professor Ed she had insight into the challeges he faced and the studying involved.  She respected the work he did, and looked for ways to make his life easier.   June put her homemaking/nutritionist degree into making their home a haven: pleasing colors, comfortable temperatures, declicious food and interesting conversation. Ed couldn't wait to get home each evening and bragged endlessly about his gifted wife.

Which led to Ed's last piece of advice. "Marry a beautiful woman who just keeps getting more beautiful.  Look at her.  She is so lovely." And she is.  Ninety two years of life experiences, smile lines and thinning hair won't land her the cover of Vogue.  But her smile..... filled with joy and contentment, the satisfaction of living unselfishly and being loved generously.  Yes.  She was absolutely lovely.  He was too.

The world has changed a crazy amount in the last 65 years.  But the marriage vows are timeless.  To have and to hold.  For better or for worse.  In sickness and in health.  And I am reminded that those simple acts of love are timeless too. Being thoughtful, interested, warm and appreciative. They go a long way.

Thank you Ed and June.