feet and faith

I am having a hard time putting down Christopher McDougall's book Born To Run.  Besides the interesting stories of ultra runners,  I was fascinated by his description of the human foot.  At one point he talks about  the "high tensile web of 26 bones, thirty three joints, twelve rubbery tendons and eighteen muscles, all stretching and flexing like an earthquake resistant suspension bridge."  McDougall quotes Leonardo da Vinci who considered the human foot, with its fantastic weight-suspension system comprising one quarter of all the bones in the human body, "a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art."  The rest of the book awes you with what our feet are capable of doing.  And in a strange way this helped me get through a long week of hospice.


I am still adjusting to the fact that every week I stare at death with someone whose time is almost up.  Sometimes a history of illness, pain and loss of independence make them eager to go.  Some are fighting it with all they have left.  And almost everyone, in the process of dying, wants to talk about what happens next.  They recite the Bible verses that talk about their heavenly home.  They share their pastor's certainty that they will immediately reunite with grandma and grandpa.  They list their good deeds that will ensure them a promotion in reincarnation.  Or they emphatically tell me "When it's over, it's over."


This week it hit me.  People know what they believe.  They've got the proof and the tradition down. But when they face imminent death, people wonder whether they believe what they believe.  It is one thing to have 10 Bible verse about eternal life in Heaven memorized in your dog eared Bible.  It is another to really believe that you are going to actually be there in your very near future.  Streets of gold and angels sound lovely, but it's hard to feel confident about exchanging your spouse and your favorite pink fleece blanket for them.  Of course grace is amazing.  But after 80 years in a dog-eat-dog word, are you able to really trust that it's sufficient?


This week I stood at enough of these doorways, to join in some wonderings.  I've had too much arrogance kicked out of me to think that my particular tribe has all the answers.  I've learned too much about God from a wide variety of people.  Through journey and questions I have amassed a few beliefs that inspire and make sense to me.  I know what I believe.  But do I really believe what I believe?


That is where the foot comes in.  In those moments where there are more questions than answers, I think about my foot.  I look down at my "masterpieces of engineering and works of art."  Somehow those intricate feet were designed.  A design that lets me jump with my boys, run with my friends and tiptoe to hug my honey. With no help or even comprehension from me, my feet are incredible.  That is calming to me.   Because if Someone put that much thought and skill into my feet, maybe my future will be just as awesome.


Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  Hebrews 11:1