sanctuaries

I'm sitting in the middle of a big king sized bed, in front of a huge sliding glass door.  

From that door I watched my 3 guys kayak out on a fishing trip early this morning.  I watched the sun rise over the water and marshes a little while later.  Around me on the bed are books, magazines, my lap top.  But for now I'm just staring out the window, holding as still as I can, breathing, being, feeling myself fill back up.

This week is our family vacation at one of my favorite places on earth.  Manteo, Outer Banks.  I love it for so many reasons.  The beautiful beaches and sand dunes are surprisingly remote and uncrowded.  My boys have an endless stream of activities - swimming in the pool, riding bikes, fishing, kayaking, body surfing the waves, etc.  The area is packed with history, from the Wright Brothers, to the Colonists and Indians, to Pirates.  Manteo is the cutest, little town.  Steve and I wander the streets some evenings exploring piers and trying new restaurants.  I made the boys drive into town with me one morning to try an old fashioned coffee shop.  We sat on the porch drinking mocha lattes and Josh said "If I had known this is what pastries tasted like we would have come a lot sooner." Nights often include a giant Monopoly game that only Papa and Grandma Sandy have the patience to play with the boys.  A perfect week of happy togetherness.

And then there is the quiet. The peaceful quiet of the house when every one is out playing.  The deafening quiet of the beach where all I can hear is the crashing waves.  The quiet kitchen where I have plenty of time to create sustenance for the never still boys. The quiet boardwalks through the marshes where I exercise.  And the quiet window in our bedroom where I sit and think.

I'm my best self here.  I'm relaxed and creative.  I'm adventurous and flexible.  I wish I was always like this.  Some of my quiet time here has been pondering the leaks in my life that drain me of this feeling of peace.

There are some leaks that are unavoidable - I love my job, but it's tough.  A regular influx of more money would plug some big cracks.  As would never having to worry about the health and well being of the people I love.  There are always going to be leaks.

But as I look back over the summer, I realize that some leaks are my fault.  I still say yes to too many things.  I let fear in.  I let my margins get too small.  My priorities get screwy.  And I wait for vacations to find sanctuary.

I'm planning more sanctuary time - in big ways and little ones. On my list -
Declutter my bedroom and pull my chair back in front of the window 
          -so it's more like my beach room.
Plan healthy meals ahead of time when it's fun instead of in last minute stress
Say "Let me think about it" and "no" instead of "yes"
More girl movies 
Realize all my mini sanctuaries - a walk along the French Broad, drives on the parkway, hot baths...
Turn off the radio, the TV, the computer
Practice gratitude every day.

I love this quote from Eugene Peterson in Leap Over A Wall.
Wonderful things happen in sanctuaries.  On the run we stop at a holy place and find that there's more to life than our circumstances and feelings indicate at that moment.  We perceive God in and around and beneath us.  New life surges up within us.  We discover a piece of our lives we had thought long gone restored to us, remember an early call of God, a place of prayer, a piece of evidence that God saves.  We leave restored, revived, redeemed. 

To the beach and beyond!