oh the places you will go!

Today was my final final evaluations.  We met at resident Andy's house, a parsonage in the woods, and curled up on couches and chairs to read our papers and listen to each other.  The content of the papers was to demonstrate what we have learned, how we have grown in our pastoral ministry, what has changed for us theologically and what impact the patients have had on us.  In between the evals there were breaks for donuts and sweet rolls in the morning and pizza, chips and guacamole in the afternoon.  There was lots of laughter and of course, a few tears.


I closed my five pages with this paragraph.  

"As I mentioned earlier the last few months have been very uncomfortable as I face transition and don’t know the end result. I feel that my faith has been tested, parts of my embedded theology unearthed, and my emotions have covered the gamet of despair, anger, peace and confusion. But through the doubts, questions, fears and tantrums I still feel a sense of God’s presence. My desire is to have the faith I read about with the fiery furnace. “The God we trust is able to save us….But even if He does not, (save us the way we have in mind) we will follow Him.” Daniel 3:17, 18"

When I collected my evaluations back, I saw that Taylor had circled we will follow Him and written under it  "oh the places you will go!  Peace my friend."  Thank you Taylor.

Tonya closed her eval with this reassuring quote.  I immediately copied it and have it visible to read often.

I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.  Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noting it, live your way into the answer...  Rainer Maria Rilke


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

surreal

Late in the night the pager buzzed a code blue.  When I arrived a medical team was already surrounding the bed of a elderly man.  A nurse was kneeling over him doing CPR.


I'm always surprised at how physical codes are.  The team take turns pumping a chest, putting their everything into it.  Codes end with a group of sweat drenched people.


This time the life saving measures went on and on.  I perched on a chair right outside the room.  On one side of the patient the vital signs monitor shows lines jumping and falling, jumping and falling.  On the other side of the patient another TV was broadcasting Jay Leno's new show.  I watched one....then the other.  It was surreal.  I could almost hear the Twilight Zone music in the background.


At first it struck me as very irreverent.  A man is dying.  Heroics are being performed.  Do we really need to hear Jay and Steve Carrell cracking up?  Was everyone on the medical team too busy and focused to notice?


But we got into the second code, the vital lines were more erratic, and flatter.  The medical team was tired and grim.  The family was on their way to receive bad news.   Jay's cheerful banter reminded me that outside this room there are people full of life, people with big plans and little annoyances - home after a busy day, curled up in bed or on the couch, having one last laugh before they fall asleep peacefully.


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34