mother's days

When I was a little girl I would look in the mirror with my hands on my stomach and pretend I was pregnant.  I played with my dolls and couldn't wait to have a real baby to hold and dress up.   I had no idea of the all-encompassing love, constant amazement and utter exhaustion those little babies would bring.   Today I am celebrating the two boys who made me a mother!

Jake was born a day early, popping into the world at 10:10 am.  He had blue eyes and blond fuzz on his head.  My first thought was that he looked just like Steve and also like the Sunshine family doll baby I played with throughout my childhood.   It fit because Jake is sunshine.  Happy and smiling, he would lay in his crib chirping in the mornings until we came to get him. We'd bring him back to our bed and stare at him in amazement.  How had we made such a darling child and how we could love him so intensely?  He had a little singsong voice that continually engaged us in questions and comments. translating for his quiet brother and observing the world around him.

Today Jake is 14, an artist with a warm, friendly spirit.  When the boys were little, Josh would say "When I grow up I want to be popleear like Jake."  Jake is easy to talk to.  He is creative, making movies, drawing pictures so full of details, you can stare at them for hours.  He is organized, he makes plans.  He is thoughtful, leaving notes and phone messages.  He is a runner with agility and speed.  He loves holidays and traditions.  He likes to get lost in a good book.  He is a morning person who wakes up with hope and joy. And I get to be his mom!

20 months after my first "Mother's day",  Josh was born a week overdue.  He arrived at 10:50 pm, mad and overcooked.  He was all red with dark curly hair and a deep scowl.  My first thought with him was  "ok, little man, I guess I am your mom."  He frowned back at me.  If Jake was sunshine, Josh was thunder that day.  A little prize fighter.

Little did we know how much he'd need that fighter spirit.  Three weeks later we were back in the hospital with a now malnourished, bald, sick baby for surgery to fix pyloric stenosis.  For the next six months I slept with Josh, nose to nose, his little hands holding my t-shirt, so I could make sure he was breathing through the night.  Eighteen months after that we were back for brain surgery to remove a tennis ball sized tumor on his motor strip.  Then back to the hospital every few months for follow up MRI's. Through all of this Josh was sweet, stoic and tough about IV's and testing.  We watched our little brave boy in amazement, hoping our ferocious love would pull him through.

Today Josh is 12, an athlete with a gentle, self-sufficient spirit.  He has a never-ending capacity to play, with his brother or friends, bouncing a ball, creating buildings on mine craft, or catch with his dog.  Josh is a lover of nature.  When he was younger he spent hours pouring over animal books, the undisputed expert in our family on mammals, reptiles and weather.  He will point out to me "look how beautiful the sky is today" or bring me a flower he picked.  Josh is a cuddler, wedging between us on the couch or snuggling up beside me to watch House Hunters or the Today Show.  He is our night owl always needing a few more minutes to stay up watching Basketball. And I get to be his mom!

My momma cup is full and overflowing.  I'd love to peek in on little Erin with her dolls and tell her "It's going to be more than you could ever imagine.  Way beyond your wildest dreams!!"