geometry

I spent some time this evening listening to an opinionated Christian pontificating.  He talked about his faith as a simple mathematical equation. God said it + I believe it = the way it is.   Ask= you shall receive.  Seek=Find.   "It's not that hard people." He insisted.  It didn't set well with me.  I left feeling like an old, cynical, cranky Christian.

My supervisor in Chaplain school used to say "I'd be an atheist if it weren't God.  He is just crazy about me so what you going do?" And I get that.  Once in a while my faith feels fresh and pure.  When I hear certain praise songs.  Or see the first daffodils bloom in my yard.  When I read Barbara Brown Taylor or Rob Bell.  Lots of times my faith feels jaded.  Like there is a lot of bitter, judgmental ragamuffin mixed in with the enthusiasm and passion for God.  If my faith were described in math terms maybe it would be geometry.  Lots of weird, uneven shapes that I can't  grasp or make sense of.

Last Monday my boys didn't have school.  Josh had spent Sunday night at a friend's house, and I was going to pick him up in the afternoon.  I was in the middle of my work day, visiting my patients that lived on the south side of town.  At 11:30 Josh called me.  "Mom, I am ready to go home.  Can you come pick me up now?  I was 3 visits down, 2 to go.  If I took my lunch break now I'd have to drive 30 min to get him, take him home, 30 minutes back.  "How about in an hour and a half?" I asked.  "Now would be good." Josh responded. I couldn't  tell if this was preference or need.  So I headed to get him.

The next day I got another call.  Josh had a basketball game.  "Mom, I need shorts and my jersey by 3:15." That meant a quick trip home and then over to the school.  "I will try." I promised.  Later I was talking to a friend on the phone.  Sharing the addition to my day.  "So presumptuous that I can drop anything." I laughed.  "What on earth does he think I do all day?"

"He doesn't." she replied. 

And it hit me.  She was so right.  Josh doesn't spend his day pondering my busy schedule, worrying about my stress levels or productivity.  When Josh has a need he calls his mom. Simple as that.  And while we will have a conversation about respecting other's time, I kinda love his innocence.

Donald Miller, in Blue Like Jazz, writes this - "In his book Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton says chess players go crazy, not poets.  I think he is right.  I don't think you can explain how Christian faith works. It is a mystery.  And I love this about Christian spirituality.  It cannot be explained, and yet it is beautiful and true.  It is something you feel, and it comes from the soul. "

So that's my faith plan for the day.  No pondering the problem of evil, the origins of the universe, or my little place in the grand scheme.  If something comes up for me, I am just going to hand it over.  Trust it to someone bigger, smarter, higher.  It's not a geometry day.