twenty

As our twentieth wedding anniversary approached, I dug into storage to get a few pictures for Facebook.  That was the plan anyway.  Steve found me on the floor in the guest room an hour later, surrounded by old photo albums and a box of wedding remains, in full reminiscing mode.  As I looked at bridal shower pictures and thank you note lists, I was amazed at the unpracticality that I saw -

Lacy camisoles, a silver wine bucket and flower vases, battenburg aprons, floral cloth napkins.  I obviously watched too much I Love Lucy and Lady Diana coverage in my early twenties.

Twenty years of marriage and two sons later find me much more practical than fanciful.  I don't have time to polish silver when my teenage boys want six meals a day.  Rolls of paper towels often take the place of both cloth napkins and lace aprons.  And though that big, beautiful white gown was my total dream dress, if I got married again today, I'd be barefoot on a beach.

These days romance is more about having the dishwasher loaded by my sweet husband or getting the bathroom to myself.  Beyond Victoria Secret or a bouquets of red roses, twenty years of marriage is about compromise, division of chores and repeat conversations.  It's about learning to be less selfish and more thoughtful.  It's about getting better at asking for what I need.  Nicely.  It's about two opposites finding a middle rhythm.  And it's about being humbly grateful to have made it to twenty.

We've had a special celebration every 5th year. A prebaby trip to a B&B in Highlands for 5.  Two nights in Charleston's Two Meeting Street Inn for 10.  And a weekend in New Bern for 15.  The plan for 20 was Ireland.  Years ago we were sure that by our mid 40's we'd be financially set and ready for a week overseas.  Well ready or not, this year was not a financial highlight.  We still aren't rich. On top of near poverty, we got hit with a tax bill and an MRI bill.  Our old car died twice, but that was nothing compared to putting in a brand new air condition unit in our house.  Ireland went from not practical to not possible pretty quickly.

But we made it to twenty years on August 1, 2013.  And to celebrate that monumental feat we went for something just a little unpractical.  We booked a room in Biltmore Park, our favorite date night location seven miles from our house.  A hotel that we have looked up at so many times over the years and said "wouldn't it be fun to stay there?"  We met there on a Wednesday afternoon after work.  From our balcony we could see our restaurants, our movie theatre, and our mountains.  We ate at a new place.  We walked around the town, soaking up the summer evening.  We called our boys, laughing at how much we missed them.  And we again remembered how important it is for the two of us to have moments of fun impracticality in the midst of bills and schedules and survival.  I may even dig out those bejeweled napkin rings...

...or some poetry.  I love this Shakespeare sonnet.  From our twenty year mark it sure rings true.

“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

(Sonnet 116)” ― William Shakespeare, Shakespeare's Sonnets