savor

The first thing I fell in love with, in my house, was my bedroom-to-be.  Right off the front door, it is a spacious room with five tall, white windows.  Even in January, light poured in.  I couldn't believe that I was going to start every day in that room.  Steve painted the walls blue, which made the white windows pop even more.  I bought some orange pillows and accents and pulled my reading chair next to the window to stare up into green leaves in the summer and watch snow flakes fall in the winter.  It's been eleven years and I am still delighted with our big, cheerful, calming, inviting room.

Nate Burkus once said to describe your favorite room in your house.  And that the four words you choose to describe your favorite room are how you would also describe your best self.  Which makes me quickly regret calling my bedroom big....

So maybe my bathroom is my favorite room.  It's best feature, at this moment, is that it is small, compact, streamlined. :)  And also that it is cozy, peaceful and warm.

So, so warm.  With weather in the teens and below, we have been reminded of one drawback of floor-to-ceiling windows.  They let cold air come swooshing in.  Our room is always the coldest room in the house.  Which is fine around midnight, when only my nose peeks out from under a toasty comforter piled with blankets.  But going to bed, and much worse, getting up, is often an olympic act of will.

I am saved by a small, space heater that makes the bathroom a heated refuge.  It sends warm air into the chilly bedroom.  It makes December and January, February and March survivable with its pleasant hum and sunny radiance.

Then last week, when temperatures plummeted, my heater died without warning.  Overworked and taken for granted, it gave up the ghost.  I had three very challenging mornings - when I felt the pain blizzard survivors have known, and said prayers for anyone that ever had to run outside to an outhouse.  I crawled out of hot baths at night only to freeze again before I could get to bed.

By the time I made it to Target, I was a woman on a singular mission.  There in the heater section I found the perfect small room heater for only sixteen dollars.  I cradled it in my arms and promised to appreciate it every single day.  I can hear it's comforting humming right now as I type.

I read this interesting quote in a magazine recently. 
Sandra Bullock knows how ephemeral happiness can be.  "When people are like, "life is so good,'" she says, "I go, 'no, life is a series of disastrous moments, painful moments, unexpected moments, and things that will break your heart.  And in between those moments, that's when you savor, savor, savor.'"

I actually believe that life is so good.  I think choosing to savor all the gifts and blessings, big and small, make it even better.  And I think savoring is part of what fortifies us to handle all those other moments.  Today, again I say thank you for so much- especially a cozy heater and beautiful windows.  

*I had to look it up.  Ephemeral - lasting for a very short time, fleeting, passing, brief.

weather

A little old man snapped at me today.  I was trying to make conversation, to be good company, to engage him and lift his spirits.   He was not helping.  Yess-ing and no-ing to every topic I brought up.  So I began a rift on the weather. That it was supposed to snow later in the week.  How hard that was to believe seeing that it felt like spring today, yadda, yadda, yadda.  That's when he pounced.  "Why are you all so obsessed with the weather?"  "Who is you all?" I asked.  "Every one from hospice." he replied shaking his head.

"Maybe it is because you are being so difficult to talk to.  Maybe because ten minutes with you feels like an hour.  And if by some cruel twist of fate this was a date, I would never go out with you again, you cranky little man." is what I DID NOT say.  I just attempted new topics and made a note on his chart to not discuss the weather again no matter how interesting or dramatic I might find it.

It is moments like this that make me long for a vacation.  The problem is that I was "on vacation" all last week.  Not sunning on a hot beach, or visiting far away family.  Nope.  I took a week off to attend a one week intensive class as part of my board certification process.

My class was on the practice and process of groups. There were ten of us and the teacher.  And the truth is, it was a break.  Interesting students and relevant material made it a helpful, intense, change of pace.

On the first day we were taught that people are wounded in relationships, and people can best be healed in relationships.  We role played numerous group situations and practiced dealing with challenging people.  We were reminded that to be healers, we don’t respond in defensiveness but with honesty, firmness and caring.  We search for the reason behind angry words, brusk blow offs and sullen remarks and find the pain.

And we stay aware for our need for healing.  For me, after a visit with cranky weather man, I will call my nurturing mom who will talk about the cold and snow or anything else for as long I as want to.  I will celebrate an unexpected warm day with a fun, fast, four mile walk with Barbara at Carrier Park.  I will make plans to bundle up and meet Beth for lunch.  She will totally resonate with trying to engage with cranky patients.  These healing moments will strengthen me for another round of non-weathery conversation.

Anne Lamott speaks right into my soul every time I read her words. 
“I think joy and sweetness and affection are a spiritual path. We're here to know God, to love and serve God, and to be blown away by the beauty and miracle of nature. You just have to get rid of so much baggage to be light enough to dance, to sing, to play. You don't have time to carry grudges; you don't have time to cling to the need to be right. ...most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around you.”