beyond mad men

After 18 months of anticipation, the 5th season of Mad Men finally premiered.  My friend Barb and I celebrated in her grandmother's vintage jewelry, with mini jello molds, deviled eggs and rice pudding.  We welcomed back Don Draper and his new bride Megan,  Peggy Olson bringing in a big account, and Joan's new baby.

The next morning I visited Ed and June, a couple who were my age in the real Mad Men era.  I sat at their breakfast table with them, listening to their stories and banter.  I was only a little disappointed to see no evidence of full skirts, thin ties, cigarettes or mid-morning liquor.

When I learned that they had been married for 65 years I was curious.  How did they evolve together  from a patriarchal society, through the feminist movement to a place of interdependence and equality?  In a world where some marriages are measured in days, how did they reach a milestone like 65 years?  And get there with such easy camaraderie?  Do any of the elements that made a 1940's, 50's and 60's marriage work, apply today?

Here's what they said.
"Well, I guess we learned to appreciate each other's differences."

June grew up in Canada.  She loved and revered the royal family. Ed grew up in Conneticut.  Every day is 4th of July for him.  She bought magazines featuring the royals.  He mocked the pomp and circumstance. One day he was making a snide remark and she said "Look.  You are never going to love them.  For me, they are in my heart.  Let it go."  He got the message. This began a practice of honoring each other's differences.  They applied it to his love of sports and her disinterest.  To her morning personality and his night owl habits.  They became intentional about appreciating each other's view points.
 
June was telling me this.  At one point Ed said to her "Speak louder will you?  I might learn something about our marriage." She just looked at me and shook her head.

"And we took the time to appreciate each other's work."

June grew up with a father who was a teacher.  She watched the work he put into crafting a lecture.  When she married professor Ed she had insight into the challeges he faced and the studying involved.  She respected the work he did, and looked for ways to make his life easier.   June put her homemaking/nutritionist degree into making their home a haven: pleasing colors, comfortable temperatures, declicious food and interesting conversation. Ed couldn't wait to get home each evening and bragged endlessly about his gifted wife.

Which led to Ed's last piece of advice. "Marry a beautiful woman who just keeps getting more beautiful.  Look at her.  She is so lovely." And she is.  Ninety two years of life experiences, smile lines and thinning hair won't land her the cover of Vogue.  But her smile..... filled with joy and contentment, the satisfaction of living unselfishly and being loved generously.  Yes.  She was absolutely lovely.  He was too.

The world has changed a crazy amount in the last 65 years.  But the marriage vows are timeless.  To have and to hold.  For better or for worse.  In sickness and in health.  And I am reminded that those simple acts of love are timeless too. Being thoughtful, interested, warm and appreciative. They go a long way.

Thank you Ed and June.

procrastionating

Last night I watched two episodes of Cupcake Wars.  The first one was "four bakers try to hang on as they fight for a place to showcase their cupcakes at the star-studded party for the Professional Bull Rider's Award Ceremony on the Las Vegas strip."  


Each baker had to invent three cowboy inspired cupcakes.  This is where the show hooks me.  Because my mind goes blank.  What on earth is a cowboy cupcake?  And then the bakers surprise us with these creative flavors - jalapeno chedder cornbread, maple bacon, and whiskey pecan.  Well of course..... 


The second round is judged on flavor and appearance.  And again I am stumped.  Until I see the fondant cowboy hat, the frosted lasso,  the coconut grass and the cookie dirt.  These people are artists!  And their creativity is enough  to keep this non-baking, gluten free, uncowboyed girl glued to my seat in full cupcake anticipation.


I recently read this throught provoking quote by Jessica Hische.  "The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life."   


So after two hours of unproductiveness, I made a list of what I do to procrastinate.  It seemed more fun then finishing my hospice charting.


When I don't feel like charting, I procrastinate with house cleaning.  Last week I organized all my plastic food containers and their lids.  I weeded through the boys clothes and rearranged their drawers.  That's important, right?  Then I sifted through a stack of magazines and threw most away.  I'm at a loss to figure how I can turn this into an actual, money making career though.


Or I procrastinate from any form of work by blogging.  Like right now.  Or reading one of the books in the growing stack beside my bed.  But if that takes too much energy,  I always have Facebook.  Usually to keep up to date on what my friends are doing to procrastinate.  I just took a quiz on how many of the top 100 place in the world I've visited.  And this weekend I made a private facebook photo album of of all the hair cuts I've had in the last 5 years.  Just to prove to myself that there has been some variety in my style and color.  I could do the same for you if you would like to hire me!


So how do I know if the work I'm doing now is the work I'm supposed to do the rest of my life?  Chaplain or chef?  Blogger or baker? Maybe Cupcake Wars is just a colorful, frothy counterpoint to some of the sadness and seriousness I see during the day.  It helps to remind myself that I too get to be creative at work.  Not with flavors and sprinkles but with finding new ways to nurture and comfort my patients.  Besides do I really want to cook all the time?  Nah.  I'm keeping my day job for now. 

And maybe one day I will open a bakery.  A cute, sunny, inviting, little shop.  I will learn my way around a pastry bag and whip up flavors like buttermilk peach, chocolate tangerine ganache and banana toffee.  I could get a cute apron.  Did I remember to add daydreaming to my procrastinating list?  Seriously Erin, get back to work.
  
Ooh.  What about vanilla poppyseed cupcake with a bright lemon curd?....

easter sized

"It was the 80's man.  It was all about whatever drugs and booze we could get our hands on."  This story seemed incongruous being told by a shriveled up hospice patient in a country kitchen filled with wooden roosters and cow print curtains.  But he wasn't done.  "Dropping LSD made me feel huge.  I stand in front of a mirror and watch myself get bigger and bigger.  And everyone else got smaller and smaller.  Tiny.  I felt so powerful."

I couldn't help but smile.  Then I thought about how many dumb things I've done to make myself feel bigger.  It's universal.  We talk about someone else.  Act like we know something we don't.  Buy things we don't need.  Wish for things we don't have.  We inflate and amplify, accumulate and coerce.  I hate feeling insignificant, overlooked, unworthy.  Small.  And am as guilty as my trippin' friend in running from it.

Today in church, we talked about Saturday of the original Easter weekend.  How the sky turned dark and earthquakes shook the land.  How the temple veil ripped from top to bottom and the sacrificial lamb escaped.  How the death of Jesus left everyone feeling small.  Peter spent Saturday lost in horrified shame.  He'd betrayed Jesus and gotten caught doing it.  Mary and the women around the cross must have spent Saturday traumatized by the violence they had helplessly witnessed - Jesus beaten, whipped, nailed and hung.  The disciples spent Saturday hiding in terror that they would be hunted and killed next.  It was a day void of pride or power, direction or hope.  I've thought about them all day.  And ached for their painful feelings of smallness that echo into my world.

And then there was Easter morning.  A day that would exchange acting big or feeling small with BEING LOVED.

I love this description from Jen Hatmaker's book 7.

"Jesus is a redeemer, a restorer in every way.  His day on the cross looked like a colossal failure, but it was His finest moment.  He launched a kingdom where the least will be the greatest and the last will be first, where the poor will be comforted and the meek will inherit the earth.  Jesus brought together the homeless with the privileged and said, "You're all poor, and you're all beautiful."  The cross leveled the playing field, and no earthly distinction is valid anymore.  There is a new "us" -people rescued by the Passover Lamb, adopted into the family and transformed into saints.  It is the most epic miracle in history.  That is why we celebrate.  May we never become so enamored by the substitutions of this world that we forget."

"It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father.  Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love."John 12:1

Happy Easter!  Thank you Jesus.